Anxiety is my arch nemesis. At one point it got so bad I felt like people didn’t want to be around me. I was so envious of the calm cool and collected girl; you know, the girl that seemed like she had it all figured out. I wanted to exude that centered energy. The energy that makes people comfortable around you. That ✨calm girl energy✨. I realized it was a simple 4 step recipe.
One: Changing the media I consumed
Cutting out drama was critical; not just when it came to my friends, but also when it came to the media I was consuming. Shows like Bad Girls Club, Love and Hip Hop, or the Kardashians were disrupting my peaceful thoughts. The constant back and forth, manipulations, physical fighting, etc., gave me a sensory overload and a pessimistic outlook on people’s intentions. I focused on media that aligned me with what I envisioned for myself. Things like House Tours, A Day in the Life, Travel Vlogs, Cooking Shows, or educational content. The media I consumed played a major role in the type of thoughts I had throughout the day, and it was my thoughts that laid the foundation for my reality. Yes, I am not living the life that I eventually want for myself, but I am living the life I used to pray for.
Two: Diversifying my music taste
This shift in my approach was truly transformative. By aligning the music I listened to with the headspace I wanted to inhabit, my life took a remarkable turn. I came to realize that ratchet music created ratchet thoughts, which turned into ratchet behavior. The same principle applied to aggressive music, as well as depressing music and other genres. Picture yourself on a peaceful Sunday afternoon in the Hamptons, sipping tea with your best friend, while blasting Glorilla in the background. It just doesn’t feel right, does it? Glorilla is meant for turning up, for energetic moments. I genuinely enjoy artists like Glorilla, Cardi, and Durk, but their music tends to put me in an aggressive, masculine mindset. So, I reserve these kinds of artists for pre-workout sessions or when I need an extra boost during a test. Trap music, in particular, has an aggressive nature and can be overwhelming if it’s all you listen to. By swapping out trap for something slower and more mindful, I found that I could calm myself and become more centered. As I reduced my consumption of trap music, I noticed a remarkable increase in my inner tranquility and sense of balance. I was truly becoming the calm girl of my dreams.
Three: Indulging in things I enjoy
When is the last time you did nothing or did something alone randomly. You need to remind yourself that you’re alive, that you made it, that you have been divinely endowed with freewill. Savor that sip of coffee, feel the pages of that book, look at the sky more. The little things deserve attention too; indulge in those little moments of goodness you used to overlook. Finding beauty in the little things gives way to serenity; it gives you a moment to breathe and breathing always calms your mind. Once I stopped reserving enjoyment for the grand alcaldes and started seeking pleasure in the more mundane things in my life I noticed my mood lift. I became more positive, happier, and more fun.
Four: Setting firm boundaries
This one is pretty simple. Once I recognized something disturbed my peace, I distanced myself from it. No matter how intimate the relationship or long the friendship, I was and am willing to create distance. Setting boundaries became essential for maintaining my peace of mind. I learned to say “no” to things that didn’t align with my values or added unnecessary stress to my life. I surrounded myself with people who uplifted and supported me, while distancing myself from toxic relationships and energy-draining situations. By establishing clear boundaries, I created a safe and peaceful space for myself to thrive. You can’t be a ✨Calm Girl✨ if you are always on edge.
Five: Faith
Having faith only in a higher power is one thing and having faith only in yourself is another. However, for me to harness this calm girl, centered energy I had to find balance between the two. Having faith in a higher power means having faith in their creation. Having faith in God’s plan means having faith in the free will you were granted to enact that plan. I personally believe that God is all knowing and God knows and has planned for the infinite amount of lives you can lead, yet the life that ultimately ends up being yours is a result of your actions and choices. Recognizing that was not anxiety inducing, rather a breath of fresh air. I realized that having choice isn’t intimidating, it’s empowering. That sense of freedom and empowerment gave me space to be calm and centered.
Conclusion
Entering my calm girl era required intentional changes in the media I consumed, the music I listened to, the way I approached self-indulgence, the boundaries I created, and my relationship with faith. By embracing mindfulness, prioritizing self-care, setting boundaries, and cultivating a positive mindset, I found a profound sense of inner calm and balance. It’s an ongoing journey, but one that has brought me closer to the life I’ve always envisioned for myself – a life filled with peace, joy, and authenticity.